One of the Loudest Things your Epitaph Can Say

Imagine a small town cemetery deep in the heart of the United States.

The rows of headstones seem scattered like so many leaves blown off the trees in Autumn. Like the people who have lived their lives in this community, the tombstones have a character all their own, yet also share this commonality: They are little known and little heeded by the world that passes by.

This is the lot of most people — to be seemingly passed by or passed over by a hasty, loud, often vicious world where the aggressive and powerful climb over their fellow human beings to ascend the ladder of power, fame, prestige — and, in their own minds, a legacy stamped indelibly on history itself.

But history is often a more honest judge of humanity than we are likely to think during our lifetime.

We see injustice, betrayal, intrigue, corruption — and we desire to speak, to be heard, to leave our mark on this transient life.

We desire the limelight — to occupy the center of attention in our community, nation, and globe.

We desire to speak while others listen — to be heard with due deference, and then obeyed, or at least affirmed.

But perhaps this is not the best legacy to leave behind us. Maybe this is not the epitaph to engrave on our weather-stained headstone.

I submit another, better way.

Return to that small-town cemetery in your mind’s eye. Walk up and down those crooked lanes, among the new marble and mossy granite.

Notice, with your imagination, a humble stone — neither new nor particularly expensive. It is aged now — perhaps decades — and yet fresh flowers adorn its rugged face. A line of mourners stand before it, each taking their time to remember the deceased.

You move closer, peering over shoulders and between sobbing figures.

As you approach the weathered stone, your attention is drawn to neither name nor date, but to the epitaph that runs across the top in clear lettering:

She listened well

As you pause to ponder the meaning of these words, you begin to notice that the line of mourners has grown — exponentially. Far beyond the extent of your eyes, that line weaves to-and-fro through the monuments past the end of the graveyard and into the city beyond.

As each approaches that stone with its brief message they bend close and whisper: “Thank you for caring.”

It is not what we say that makes a lasting difference.

It is how much we listen.

Today, we are surrounded by many voices calling for us to stand up and speak — and there are times to speak. But we find it far easier to speak than to listen.

The wisest, most loving person is the one who checks the impulse, puts down the anger, suppresses the retort — and chooses to listen.

Choose to be someone who listens well — and your life will truly make a difference.

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