Learning to Love Ourselves

I had a brief relationship with a man who genuinely hated himself. Sad, because he was quite a lovely person. I would think, if only you could see yourself through my eyes, if only you would believe what I see. When he spoke negatively about himself, I would say, “be nice to my friend”. He understood what I was trying to do, but he couldn’t get there.

We build our sense of self by what is mirrored back to us during our formative years. As children, for the most part, our unformed beings soak it all in, and we believe. We have no choice in which mirrors we choose to believe, in how our sense of self is formed. But, as we grow, shouldn’t we be able to choose? If our early reflections were positive it is easier to believe positive things about ourselves and loving ourselves is easier. If they were negative, it is a steeper hill to climb. We constantly check against that primary mirror from our childhood, the litmus test of whether we are being told the truth. But if that reflection was negative, can we instead choose to use all current evidence to the contrary to shatter it and build a positive one? Could that be the key to learning to nurture and love ourselves?

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